When we were all housebound and pandemic-restricted, we understood the uptick of loneliness and depression among us. We even understand now that a degree of solitude is baked into our age of digital screens, work-at-home careers, and social media.
But for some of us, loneliness never seems to fade. When social distance ended and the world reconnected, the sense of isolation didn’t go away. Even today, walking into a crowded room, attending parties, and visiting family doesn’t ease the ache of feeling unseen and unimportant to those around you.
Do you wonder why loneliness remains a cloud hanging over your life?
First, know that there is nothing wrong with you. Loneliness happens to all of us but how you experience loneliness may differ from others. It can stem from various circumstances in your life. Regardless of the cause or how loneliness presents itself, it serves as a signal. An ongoing sense of loneliness is telling you that your natural need for emotional closeness is currently unfulfilled.
People are built for connection and belonging. One of the challenges of loneliness is feeling powerless to achieve that connection. If you feel lost or isolated right now, it’s okay. If you're unsure how you wound up feeling so lonely, it's worth taking some time to figure things out.
With more awareness, some self-compassion, and knowledgeable support, you can start to reconnect and feel better again.
Depression Treatment & Loneliness: Start Being Curious
Why do you feel so lonely? The answer might not be immediately apparent until you take a look at your life and interactions with more curiosity and less self-judgment. Try asking yourself a few of the following questions:
Am I worried about being a burden or “too much” for others?
If you find yourself facing a challenging phase in your personal life, you may worry that discussing your struggles with others could overwhelm them. You might even feel guilty for sharing your troubles.
Try to remember that some burdens are meant to be shared. After all, how often do you actually think someone coming to you for help is “too much”? Challenge the thought that your problems will weigh others down. Relying on the support of those who care about you is likely more gratifying for them than you know. Seeking help vulnerably, even if you start with a counselor first, can alleviate your sense of isolation.
Do I choose superficial ties over deeper connections?
Are you substituting deeper relationships for “easier” social media connections or workplace acquaintances? It’s easy to choose relationships that fit a busy schedule or lifestyle, only to end up wondering why you feel you can lean on or call on when it really counts. To know and be known in relationships requires time, effort, and emotional intimacy. If you’re feeling lonely despite a long list of friends, it might be time to call an old friend or to get to know a new friend more deeply.
Am I carrying old wounds?
Past events and relationships can influence how you build relationships in the present. Previous rejections or emotionally abusive experiences may lead you to close yourself off and shield yourself against further emotional pain. Trying a more mindful and present approach can help you connect. Remain intentionally in the moment when you’re interacting with people. Rather than ruminating on what went wrong in past relationships (or assuming what will go wrong with new people), try to lean in, listen, and engage.
Is my inner critic preventing me from reaching out?
Do you tell yourself to withdraw emotionally because you feel like you won’t be accepted or fit in with certain groups? Notice how you talk to yourself and about yourself. Harsh self-talk and negative self-perceptions can keep you locked in your own head and others at arm's-length. You may pay so much attention to the negative aspects of your social interactions that you don’t recognize the positive ones.
Keep in mind that creating mutual relationships is not an all-or-nothing activity. You are a whole person that will take time to know. Give yourself to be human and keep showing up for gradual and intentional interaction. Try to notice your thinking patterns, and how beliefs about your own value may be isolating you.
You Can Let Go of Loneliness. Let’s Take the Next Step
I’m here to help. Working with a therapist is a good way to set healthy relationship goals, and construct a happier life. Depression treatment can help you work through the emotions and perceptions blocking your way to real connections. Learn to reach out to the people that matter to you.
If you are struggling with low moods, hopelessness, or grief, please reach out. Depression therapy may be able to help. Please call (805) 374-1770 or email me at Linda@lindafisherman.com for compassionate care and support.